king lyee lion ♥ duchess cuppy bunny

29
Jul

a perfect expression of how i’m feeling….
28
Jul

flying out of the nest…

its been awhile since i posted in this. i haven’t been keeping up with the whole Love Dare Challenge at all. the boy & i have been having a really rough time & try as we might the fights keep happening, its not the right time to put this kind of pressure on our relationship.

on a similarly related note, we’re finally moving back out of my parents’ house this weekend. for the most part i’m absolutely giddy about it— just the usual stress of not knowing if i have everything together to go for the weekend. part of me is very sad to be leaving this house. i’ve moved out of this house before, but something about this time seems so frighteningly permanent. i spent my formative years growing up in this house, & i’m finally leaving it for good. moving out of this house is the first part of a big process that involves completely letting go of it. my childhood home is up for forclosure. while my parents are trying to do things to stop it, they still may plan on selling the house after everything is said and done. there is a good chance that time for me to even visit this place is almost up….

(i may be being overly emotional about this. i blame the lady hormones lol!)

i’m ready for the next part of my big adventure, but at the same time, its hard for me to run into this head first. as i look at how bare my bedroom has become in less than a day, my heart aches. there are so many memories here. high school crushes, first loves, summer loves, sleep overs with my cousins, late night phone calls, sneaking boys into my room…. god, if walls could speak, they’d have tons to say…

le sigh.

its time to leave the nest, little dove. open your wings & follow the sun. don’t be afraid to fall, just fly…
18
Feb

whoops!

i’ve been on hiatus. so sorry world. will be back on track & updated tomorrow night!

- duchess.
67
15
Feb

theanimalblog:

happy valentines day (via serena.photography)
11
Feb

Day Three: Love is Not Selfish

“Whatever you put your time, energe, and money into will becme more importand to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor, — Romans 12:10

Love does not seek its own. — I Corinthians 13:5

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. — Philippians 2:3

+++

What did you choose to give your spouse? What happened when you gave it?

02.10.10 8:30am- I already bought Sean a V-day gift, and have no money to buy him anything else right now. We will return to the results of this challenge as soon as possible.

+++

in case anyone out there is wondering, i bought him a silver pocket watch.

he already knows i got him something for valentine’s day, but he doesn’t know what. currently, he isn’t entirely thrilled that i spent the money on him because it has put me in a financial bind. but its only money. i wanted to buy him something nice. something that he’s been wanting. i think once he gets it, he won’t be so annoyed. and maybe he’ll even see that i am starting to REALLY reinvest myself in our relationship.

i am also working on a homemade card to go with it. i’m having an issue finding the time to do so, since i’m always working, or always with him…. i’m hoping to have some free time for that tomorrow. we shall see…. ♥

- the duchess.
117
10
Feb

princesspolysemy:

PASSION
9
Feb

Day Two: Love is Kind

“In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.”

Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. — Ephesians 4:32

Do not let kindness and truth leave you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. — Proverbs 3:3-4

What is desirable in a man is his kindness. — Proverbs 19:22

+++

“What discoveries did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?”

9:57PM: As far as discoveries about love are concerned, one of the main things that i realized is that one genuine act of kindness will automatically create the desire to do more for a person. As in, you do one good thing to make someone happy, and for whatever reason, you want to do it again. Its like a miniature endorphin rush.

Today, showing kindness to Sean started out with deciding not to procrastinate when he asked me to do something. I fixed the button on his pants today. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but i generally procrastinate on that kind of stuff until he takes care of it…. on purpose. It wasn’t anything huge— another small good deed flies under the radar.

+++

i really shouldn’t write these when i’m buzzed. lol.

i meant to say that i spent the day doing a lot of little kind things for sean. like i fixed the button on his pants (see previous blog). i also started working on his vday gift. and i made dinner (even though he was supposed to), when he asked me to. just little things.

sometimes i wonder if i’m half-assing this whole project. its really hard to make kind gestures when i’m broke. i feel that by just doing things or not saying things, it barely dents the surface of breaking through the issues we have. maybe it will just take more time before he sees that i am trying to groom our relationship in a more positive direction? who knows. i should probably stop beating myself up about this.

in addition to being kind, i had to keep up with the challenge for day one. that proved to be a little more difficult since i’m starting to feel like he doesn’t notice the things i do/don’t do. i think i did pretty well with it. if anything, i’m realizing that i have a really short, wet fuse. trying not to say anything mean is a little difficult for me since i bottle things up in order to avoid the chaos. i need to find a more effective outlet for that. its not worth the fighting.

i dunno, i guess i’m just being impatient about seeing some progress from him in this. he’s still just as angry as ever. i know, i know, we just started this. i need to just wait it out. be patient and keep doing what i’m doing…. or work harder. i know if i show him i am still invested in our relationship, he will start to invest himself again. until then, i’ll keep waiting. ♥

- the duchess
1
9
Feb

sewing buttons

sean: remind me to bring my khaki pants to chris's with me.

duchess: ... okay. why?

sean: the button came off. so i need diana to fix it.

duchess: DON'T TAKE YOUR MENDING TO ANOTHER WOMAN!!! THATS ALMOST AS BAD AS CHEATING ON ME!

sean: ..... ?!
8
Feb

Day One: Love is Patient

“The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, chose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.”

Be completely humble & gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. — Ephesians 4:2

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. — Proverbs 14:29

A hot tempered man stirs up strive, but the slow to anger calms a dispute. — Proverbs 15:18

See that no one repays another evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another. — Thessalonians 5:15

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. — James 1:19

+++

“Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts & to let them come out in words?”

9:30PM: Today’s challenge was surprisingly easier than I anticipated. Part of me wants to be pessimistic and say that I forced it… but isn’t that the point of all this, to force/challenge myself to change?

I did have a few disapproving thoughts creep into my mind, but I managed to hold my tongue. It wasn’t easy, but I still managed. I have to say I’m proud of myself.

I hope and pray the rest of this challenge proves to be successful. I know i won’t see any big changes from him (as far as noticing the changes in my behavior) right away, but i know it will be worth all the effort in the long run. Until then, I will steadfast to my challenge & continue working on being patient with Sean.

+++

i wish the journaling space in the book had more than a page and a half available for me to write in (i have rather large writing,) it would have given me more room to elaborate on my thoughts… perhaps i should just learn to write smaller?

anyway, today’s challenge was not all that difficult. (though i’m sure as time progresses it will be more challenging.) as far as today is concerned, i’ve actually already learned how to hold my tongue when it comes to arguing with sean. i’ve already realized its the easiest way to NOT get into an ugly dispute with him. also, today was surprisingly, one of our easier days- we didn’t have much to argue about. after all, it helps to not be a Negative Nellie when there isn’t anything to bitch about. lol. no seriously, it was definitely one of our better days. i am happy for that.

the few occasions when i had a nasty thought or two float into my head were far and in between; usually something silly. so i just shut my mouth and either stewed in thought until i forgot about what i was stewing over, or averted my mind to something else (i have a short attention span, so that was not hard to do).

part of me was expecting some kind of drastic change, but i know that sensibly doesn’t make any sense at all. i am a little disappointed that sean did not notice that i was not bitching (or perhaps just didn’t see a point in mentioning it?) surely, that will change as time goes on. baby steps. its all about the baby steps.

i suppose that will be all for tonight. i hope tomorrow brings more of the same.

- the duchess.
7
Feb

pre- Love Dare musings

i am not married, but i may as well be.

sean & i have been living together for over a year now. for the most part we have been very much in love with each other, however like all couples, we have had our fair share of rough times. overall, we managed to get though every trial (and mistake) life has brought to the table.

presently, we have been seriously considering the prospect of actually tying the knot. most women would be thrilled, & most of me is thrilled… but part of me is worried. i guess the important point i need to reach is why i am here: writing to, as of right now- no one on the internet.

lately we have reached that point that apparently every serious couple reaches, where we are no longer disillusioned by the rose-colored glasses of love. we see each others’ imperfections, & try as we may, they can be hard to look past.

he hates how unaware of time i am.
i hate how quick his temper is.
he thinks i’m too sensitve.
i think he’s a time nazi.
he hates that i’m always on facebook.
i hate that he’s always playing with his ps3.
he thinks i’m a naggy, hygiene nazi.
i think he should care more about his appearance…

you get the picture. the list could go on for days.

i do not want all these silly personality quirks to be the things that break an amazing relationship. we have gone through far too many bigger things for it all to fall apart over petty things. needless to say, there have been arguments over the things i’ve listed (&more). he has threatened to leave. i have offered to just let him go. but at the end of the day, we both know that in the long run, it is not what will be in our best interest.

i have been rummaging the world for a happy solution to our issue. i think i may have found it:

recently, i was made aware of a book called The Love Dare: “… a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love.” it is written with mostly biblical founations. he is a devoutly, religious Christian. i have a more spiritual relationship with Christ. i figure this book will provide a sound foundation for me to take some baby steps in the right direction. besides, it is written in a manner that works for me, without coming off with all the “hell & damnation” nonsense that i feel clouds a lot of the over-zealous…. (just saying).

i know i am not married, but i may as well be, and i will be someday. i know in my heart i want to be with sean forever, so why not take the dare? i start tomorrow. the book provides journal space, but i also plan to write my progress here. i hope that by doing so, maybe someone else will follow and enrich their own frayed relationship. wish me luck, & keep us in your prayers.

- the duchess.